AOM: 30 Days... Day 13 – Clean House

(I am going to be making all of the TITLES for the posts related to The Art of Manliness series clickable links, since I think they were formerly being truncated by the width of the blog column. This TITLE should be directly linked to the AOM site page, and shortly, I will be going back to revise older posts, well...)

The Art of Manliness "30 Days to a Better Man" assignment for the lucky 13th day of the program is to 'declutter' our lives. This can mean shredding that junk mail that's been piling up, to donating clothes we haven't worn in nine months, or selling old books that we keep lying around collecting dust when we have no plans of ever picking them up again.

I feel pretty good, as I have been diligently 'decluttering' for the past several months. (For those of you who know me pretty well, you may have heard a story or two about how I was diagnosed with ADD about six months ago. Within days of starting meds for ADD, I went through a major overhaul of my house.) Everyone still teases me about my constant projects for beautifying my house and surrounding gardens. I take their prodding all in good jest, as is it pretty funny, and I feel so relieved with the end product of all of my hard work that I really can't complain about a few jokes here and there.

Listed below are the AOM link and excerpt for Day 13:

http://artofmanliness.com/archives/#2009-06

The simple life is a manly life because a man defines himself not by his possessions but by his character, virtues, relationships, and experiences. These are the things that he invests his time, energy, and emotions in, because these are the things that no natural disaster, no bomb, no prison can ever take away from him. The less stuff we accumulate, the less energy we have to devote to the maintenance of it, and the more energy we can put into becoming better men.

Why Declutter

It reduces stress. I definitely think there’s something to the idea that clutter can block the flow of good karma and energy in your life. Whenever I’m in a room filled with crap, I get tense and feel like I’m being buried in stuff. When I clear things out, I feel like a load has been taken off me physically and mentally. I think clearer, I’m more productive, and I have a bit more pep in my step.

Good luck with today's task, if you are participating – it makes a world of difference, and can feel so liberating when you have completed this 'declutterfying.' It's a good undertaking, even if you have no interest in becoming a better man. So, get crackin'!

Clean up on aisle 5!

AOM: 30 Days... Day 12 – Bucket

On the twelfth day of Manliness, my true love gave to me: An assignment to write my own bucket list. The Art of Manliness "30 Days to a Better Man" series recommends that we all take the time to create this very informative, potentially time consuming version of the ultimate 'to do' {before we die} list. Here's what the AOM author has offered up:

Why Have a Bucket List?

As Chris pointed out in his post, when we were kids, we all had dreams of cool and exciting stuff we wanted to do when we grew up. I remember dreaming about going to Japan and learning karate. But something happens when we become adults. We become more cynical and start thinking big adventures aren’t prudent or reasonable. We think we’re too busy to do anything extraordinary. And we’re surrounded by ordinary people who aren’t doing anything special either. So we settle and stick with doing what’s safe.

Of course, no matter how deeply we bury our dreams, regret over their demise will still come bubbling to the surface. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to look back on my life wishing I would have done x, y, and z when I had the chance. I am convinced that all men are made for adventure. And when there’s no adventure in our lives, a little part of us dies.

If you feel like you’ve been in a rut or that you’ve become too boring, creating a bucket list is the first step to adding a little more excitement back into your life. A bucket list can act as a road map to a life of adventure and fulfillment.

I believe that this is a great task before us – but one that requires some forethought and self reflection. After much mulling about, I have compiled mine. Just like everything else in my life, it runs on a bit aimlessly, so I will ask for your patience:

• To fall head over heels in love (as Will)
• To get married, and have a huge, amazing, super fun wedding with all of my incredible friends and family there to help me celebrate (with photobooths on site to commemorate the day!)
• To have a family that I adore, kids whom dazzle and fascinate me, and a partner that inspires me beyond belief – one that I choose to be with every single day, as we reinvent ourselves, and keep earning each other's attention, love and affection
  
• To get published in various magazines, and in turn, get a few of my autobiographical memoirs published, with rave reviews – and make six figures from my writing
  
• To return to making documentary and narrative films someday
• To get my own talk show or travel show someday (think Graham Norton)
  
• To be a guest on Graham Norton's show someday
• To be a guest on Oprah one day (and to have something I say give her an "ah-ha" moment, and to make her laugh)
  
• To travel all through out the older, cultural centers of Europe
• To buy an old farmhouse in Vermont, and fix it up myself
  
• To open my own restaurant, maybe an Inn
  
• To be the Best Man at a friend's wedding (and make a funny, yet poignant speech)
  
• To make a commencement speech for a small liberal arts college
• To invent something that radically improves the state of people's lives
  
• To be on the Board of Directors of a socially conscious Non Profit
• To become a philanthropist supporting at risk youth, (esp GLBTQI), the arts and animal rescue leagues
• To generously thank everyone who has supported me (through very thoughtful gifts)
• To build a very extensive, and provocative art collection
• To personally fix up a few old classic cars (like BMW 2002s, old Ford Pick Ups from the 1940s, or teeny Fiat L500s)
  
• To get in shape, and get voted "Sexiest Man Alive" on some completely ridiculous, yet harmless list. (heh...)
• To meet Betty White & Shirley MacLaine (and find a time machine to go back and meet a young Paul Newman and Jack Lemmon)
• To learn how to be an amazing dancer (with all the old school standards like tango, waltz, foxtrot, etc up to contemporary dance moves~~~)
• To get a hair transplant (wah!)
• To grow an incredible, burly full beard (and look hott!)

That's a good start, right? What's on yer list, yo?

AOM: 30 Days... Day 11 – Whoops!

Sooooooo, the 11th assignment in The Art of Manliness "30 Days to a Better Man" series is to give yourself a testicular exam! Moving right along...

It's like a vacation day for me. (Does this mean that I will be thwarted from becoming a better man? God damn technicalities!)

If you are interested in 'checking yer goods,' here is the related link:

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/10/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-11-give-yourself-a-testicular-exam/

AOM: 30 Days... Day 10 – Memorex

Today's assignment from The Art of Manliness "30 Days to a Better Man" is to memorize things. Specifically: the poem "If," by Rudyard Kipling. (Not to be confused with the song titled "If," by Janet Jackson. One of my personal faves back in college.)

After my last post about not being able to remember things as well anymore, maybe this is a good exercise for me right now. If you are game, here is the related link and the poem itself.

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/09/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-10-memorize-if/


“If”

By: Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

It helps that this guy was pretty stylin' and had a great 'stache.

AOM: 30 Days... Day 7 – Reconnect

Today's assignment from The Art of Manliness "30 Days to a Better Man" series is to "Reconnect with an Old Friend." This is aptly timed, as I have a few friends that I owe some serious correspondence. Truth be told, there are a few people that I have lost over the years with multiple migrations, and ever changing email addresses, let alone home addresses. (Who keeps those written down anymore?) A few folks missed out on the past several years of my life. Kinda important stuff to miss. How do I start *those* letters?

I used to be a hardcore letter writer, loving to choose the optimal writing utensil for the fanciful stationary or indie letter press stock. Hand written letters and well chosen cards are high up there on my list for old world romance. I don't even mean sappy, saccharine sweet puppy love. By 'romance' I mean those long standing, sweeping emotions that emanate from our tender, intimate core. It doesn't have to be reserved exclusively for our spouses or significant others. Best friends and confidantes would be just fine.

It used to be one of the qualifiers in my life – how I knew the ranks of my inner circle. There were those who wrote, and those who didn't. There were those who sometimes bought obligatory cards for holidays and such, and then those who simply wrote for every other reason. Those were the ones I held on to... And I still do. I have saved every letter (except those from an early girlfriend) that I have ever received, and have them all filed by sender.

There are some friends that use email as the newer vehicle for these same old heartfelt messages. As much as I miss the swooping details of their lower case g's, or upper case w's, or the tactile response from feeling the page's texture on my fingertips, I still adore the antiquated roots in this newer format. Again, there are those of whom write for the sake of writing, and I love it all.

This assignment is the necessary prompting I need to dust off my old letter writing skills, and reach out to those old friends that have drifted away in time and space. Wish me luck with fessing up about this big whopper of a transition!

Here is the link and excerpt for AOM's series:

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/06/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-7-reconnect-with-an-old-friend/

We have previously discussed the ardent friendships of the 19^th century, and the interesting history of male friendship in general. And while much has changed in our world since Lincoln’s day, are we not still a society where we head from our hometowns to far flung locations in pursuit of career or college, and are we not still at times, if we can admit it, “unbearably lonely?”

Yet unlike the men of the 19^th century, the men of today do not seek even closer friendships to enrich their lives and lend them support. Instead, under the excuse of being too busy, and out of the fear of being called a homo, we often distance ourselves from other men, trying to be the lone wolf. Or, as Wayne has pointed out, we look to female relationships to cure all of our hunger for intimacy.

Did someone call me a homo??? Maybe their insulting comment got lost in the mail.

AOM: 30 Days... Day 6 – Resume

Today's assignment from The Art of Manliness "30 Days to a Better Man" is to update one's resume. There is nothing in the world that instills such a sense of dread in me like updating my stinking resume. I know it's a good thing to do, but I have such non-traditional work experiences, working mostly as a consultant type figure that I get easily frustrated, and shut down. Perhaps it's related to my A.D.D., and perhaps it's just that resumes are the vortex of all humanity, sucking the very life out of us. (Bitter much?) I'm getting anxious already, just thinking about mine.

Here are their tips, and I think they forgot to add it's better to embark after a shot of scotch to take the edge off.

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/05/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-6-update-your-resume/

None of us need reminding that the economy is in the tank right now. In this tight job market, every small thing can mean the difference between landing a job and being unemployed. Today we’re going to focus on one of those “small” things: our resume. I don’t know everyone’s story out there, but I’m sure many of you are looking for work. And having an updated, sharp looking resume is an essential part of networking like a man.

Even if you have a job, it’s a good idea to update your resume. Why? Well, first, there’s a chance you could lose your job, and you want to be able to start looking for new work immediately instead of having to spend time working on your resume. Second, perhaps a better job opportunity will show up. Many times, such opportunities are time sensitive, meaning the first to get his foot in the door usually gets the job. We all need to be ready for these opportunities when they present themselves by having resumes that are ready to be printed off and placed in someone’s hand.

Good luck and God speed!

AOM: 30 Days... Day 5 – Gratitude

Today's assignment from The Art of Manliness is to Cultivate Your Gratitude. I can dig it...

Here is the related link and an excerpt:

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/04/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-5-cultivate-your-gratitude/

Some people think if they had more stuff or better luck, then they would magically have more gratitude. But the number of your material possessions or relationships will have no effect on your attitude. Once you got those things, you’d simply start thinking about new things you wanted. Gratitude is an attitude that can be cultivated in whatsoever circumstances you find yourself in. It’s not about good things happening to you, it’s about finding new layers of wonderfulness in the things that you have right now.

Part 1: Cultivate Your Personal Gratitude

It’s time to take stock of all the good things in life that we have to be thankful for. So task #1 is to make a list of 10 things that you’re grateful for.

So task #2 is to give 3 thank you’s to 3 different people today. These have to be specific thank yous. I’m not talking about the waiter bringing your soup and you saying, “thank you,” in return, although you could at the end of the meal say, “I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am for the extraordinary service you gave tonight.” It’s okay to thank people just for doing their job well. Yeah, they’re just doing their job, but I think we all know plenty of people who can’t even rise to that level, and I’m personally grateful when people have enough integrity to do so.

That said, here are my thank you's:

1. I want to thank every single person that has taken the time to read this blog. Even if they stumbled upon it by accident, after doing some Google search for some random image, or a long lost friend from college, a new friend, or an old lover... Thank you to everyone that has invested even 5 seconds in reading my often rambling thoughts about this funny little life of mine.

I started this blog mid-September of 2009, and then installed a stat counting system two weeks after that. I have received nearly 700 hits on this website in the month that I have had the counter system in place. Baffling numbers to me...

So, thank you to those of you who check back in daily to read my latest posts, and to those who maybe have only glanced at it briefly. More specifically, a deeper thanks to those of whom not only read my words, but then contacted me afterwards to let me know what my offerings brought up in your mind's eye. Some people have told me how much they can relate to my fumbling around the subject of love, even though they themselves are not trans. While others suggested related topics from a new perspective that I hadn't formerly thought of yet. All of it feeds me, and not just my narcissism. I have learned so much from these exchanges that others have shared with me. I feel very grateful to have these thoughtful people in my life nourishing me in the ways that they do.

2. I would like to thank my closest friends, those of whom I talk to on almost a daily basis. Those of you who have gotten me through the toughest points, and have forgiven me my missteps and lack of grace when I have gotten scared. Thanks for seeing me through, guys...

3. I want to thank my family and friends for accepting and even celebrating my 'new' life with me. Thank you to everyone who calls me "Will," and all that it represents. I feel very lucky to have the support and acceptance I have been given in this trans life of mine.

4. Thank you to all of the medical doctors, nurses, and medical staffers that have made this transition possible. Not only my gender transition, but the path to a more stable, healthy, heart-full life. Thank you all!

5. Thanks to all of my trans and queer trailblazers who have been forging the way so the rest of us can live a life with more security, safety, and dignity. I hope to join your ranks, and give back all that you have given to me.

6. Thank you to all of the women who have been brave enough to love me, and embark on a relationship that might not have fit with your romantic trajectory. I have been so loved, and have learned so much about the craft of loving because of your generosity and kind spirits. (And by "spirits," I don't mean booze...) Despite my deeply rooted fears that I may be unlovable, you have proven me wrong. I have been incredibly loved, and I choose to see the power of that, rather than focus on the lack of a romantic partner right now.

Thank you everyone! (Funny that there is a cross pollenation between Oprah's "Gratitude Journal" and The Art of Manliness's "Cultivate Your Gratitude" assignment. I feel like I need to go back to yesterday's post about increasing my testosterone... Oh, I am grateful that I can now bench 350 lbs. Ha!)

AOM: 30 Days... Day 4 – Increase Your Testesterone

Are you kidding me with this stuff???

So, today's assignment from The Art of Manliness is "Increase Your Testosterone." Like I need any help with that.

(A year and a half ago, I screwed up and accidentally began taking the same T dose twice as frequently as I should have been – hence my joke that testosterone made me more stoopid. I almost instantly started losing the hair on the crown of my scalp, and sprouted an insane amount of pesky chest hairs. Ya, about that... Since then, I slowly reduced the amount of T that I injected, and let more time elapse in between shots, but without much help. Years later, and lower T levels in my body, and the male pattern baldness is still running rampant. Awesome! Fuck it – I'm back to my original prescribed T levels, at the suggested intervals, and saving up for the soon to be needed hair transplant, while contemplating corporate sponsorship on my newly revealed scalp if it means a discount on the procedure. But anywho~)

Here is an excerpt from AOM:

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/03/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-4-increase-your-testosterone/

“Researchers in the US are finding testosterone levels to be substantially lower — by about 15 to 20% — than they were fifteen years ago. Scandinavian studies show similar declines, and in younger men too; a man born in 1970, for example, had about 20 percent less testosterone at 35 than a man of his father’s generation at the same age.”³

So what’s sapping our T? Here’s a few of the factors at play:

Stress. Stress increases our level of cortisol and decreases our testosterone.

Lack of sleep. Testosterone rises while you sleep, particularly during the REM phases. Today, men are often skimping on their shut eye, which in turn is sapping their testosterone.⁴

Soy intake. Soy is supposed to be so good for you, right? Wrong! Soy increases your estrogen and decreases your T.⁵ It will also lower your sperm count.⁶

Eating a low fat diet. Low fat diets have been widely debunked these days.⁷ But in case you needed yet another reason to put down the Snackwell’s, it has also been proven to decease your T.⁸

Smoking. The nicotine and cotinine in cigarettes inhibits and reduces T production.⁹

The Day 4 Challenge: Increase Your Testosterone!

So your task for today is to do three things from the following list that will help increase your testosterone. Obviously, doing more than 3 is great, and I would encourage you to commit to them for the whole 30 days and beyond.

1. Get at least 8 hours of sleep tonight.

2. Do not smoke at all today. (If you don’t smoke right now, you can’t count this one as one of your 3)

3. Do no eat anything with soy in it. You’re going to have to read labels. It will blow your mind how many things contain soy these days.

4. Meditate for at least 10 minutes. This will help you de-stress.

5. Do resistance training. Lift some weights and do compound exercises like squats, deadlifts, dips, rows, and pull-ups. They’ll boost your T more than bicep curls. You also need to use heavy weights and short sets. If you’re looking to maximize your T, I highly recommend the Strong Lifts 5X5 program.

6. Eat a serving of good fat. As you fat intake goes up, so do your T levels. Aim to get at least 30% of your calories from fat today and spread your consumption of it throughout the day. Monosaturated fats-the kind found in nuts, fish, olives, olive oil, seeds, and avocados-are particularly beneficial to your testosterone level (and your health).¹⁰ Also, don’t be afraid of saturated fat; that whole business about it raising your cholesterol and causing heart disease is a bunch of rubbish.¹¹

7. Eat a serving of animal protein. Vegetarian diets have been proven to lower your T levels.¹² So go ahead and have that steak. (This might be the easiest day of the challenge yet!) There’s no need to overdo it though; a diet with a carb to protein ratio of 2:1 is ideal for testosterone production.

8. Eat a serving of cruciferous vegetables. Veggies like broccoli, cauliflower, radishes, turnips, cabbage and brussel sprouts contain Diindolylmethane which helps balance your estrogen and testosterone levels and increases the amount of free circulating T in your body.

9. Have morning sex (if you partner is willing, of course). Just having an erection increases your testosterone. And you already get a surge of T when you wake up, so this will bump it up even further.

Well, this was the easiest one yet! Coincidentally, my T levels are at their apex from my last injection. So eating a tuna steak instead of a soy boy veggie burger ain't gonna make that much difference for me today. Whatev's. Here we go with this list from here on out! Watch out folks, I might just rip through my shirt by day 26!

AOM: 30 Days... Day 3 – Mentos

Or, is that Minotaur? Nope, I guess it's spelled M-E-N-T-O-R. Ooooooh, right. That slightly outdated word that is used in casual conversation just about as much as people actually seek out mentors these days. (Less frequently than they seek out Mentos candies from their purses or glove compartments. But I digress...)



(I did a search for images of mentor, and this one came up. How fucking creepy is this? More like an image for registering sex offenders. Great way to start this post. What were these people thinking?)

Anyway.

The third assignment from The Art of Manliness is finding a mentor. Seems easy enough, doesn't it? Well, until I really started to think about it. I mean, sure, there are a lot of people that I respect and admire, but how many of those would I truly feel comfortable approaching for such a task? It's kind of weird to cozy up to some guy and ask if he could be my role model. It sounds like the 'plot' to some gay porn flick. (Not that I would even know what those are like... um.)

Here's the description from the The Art of Manliness website while I weigh my options:

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/02/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-3-find-a-mentor/

A few months ago we wrote about the importance of a mentor in a man’s life. Figuring out what it means to be a man can be tough. And it’s arguably tougher for men today, who are often more socially isolated, don’t have as many friends, and don’t have strong relationships with their fathers and other male relatives. It’s therefore more important than ever for every man to seek out mentors to help him navigate the complicated waters of manliness and life.

Mentors have the experience and wisdom to give us sound guidance, direction, and advice. Mentors can also help us expand our point of view on a particular area of our life. Moreover, a mentor can become a good friend and confidant during times when we struggle and falter...

And I'm back! Sadly, I'm still not much closer to concluding which three people I should ask to be my mentor. I guess I should break it down into three facets of my life that I think could use some assistance.

Financial Investments/Portfolios: For this I think I will ask my father for some ongoing, structured advice. That guy is chock full of financial info about how to invest my money. He even recently offered to try to set me up with my own portfolio to help me get started. Seems like a good place to begin.

Entrepreneur: Since I do small business consulting, I tend to work with a lot of entrepreneurs, and help folks manage their growing businesses. It's been a great way to gain experiential knowledge, but also leaves me wanting to work with some big fish. I have to think about this a little longer. (Does it hafta be a guy?)

General "guy-ness"/Relationships/Dating: I think two people come to mind for this. My friend's husband "Mike," who has been offering me advice (third person) for a few weeks now, which has been pretty sound, wise stuff. And also perhaps my gay photographer friend, who is basically the Mack Daddy. He is so smooth, like a wittier, snarkier, blonde version of Don Draper.

Now, I have 24 hours to contact these people and ask them to help a brother out. Ooof, like a bad chain letter. Fun times. I have to admit, I didn't really shine any shoes yesterday, since I was sort of busy, and the two pairs of shoes I donned for the day just happened to be suede and oiled leather, so polishing was applicable. But I really want to follow through with this task. Honestly, it was the one assignment that really piqued my interest, and made me want to give this 30 Days thing a shot.

Okay, I'll ask them. (Does that make me a better man? How long does it take for this stuff to kick in?)

AOM: 30 Days... Day 2

Today's Art of Manliness – 30 Days to a Better Man's Assignment is to Shine Your Shoes. Huh, really???

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/01/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-2-shine-your-shoes/

There’s a lot of sage wisdom to be found in the film Shawshank Redemption. But there is one detail the movie got wrong: people do notice your shoes (especially women). And while it’s true that people don’t spend an awful lot of time staring at your shoes, you’d be surprised at how often you look at your own feet. And when you look down and can practically see your reflection in your shoes, it gives you a sense of satisfaction, a boost in you confidence, and some added pep in your step. Too many men put on a nice pair of dress pants and a freshly pressed shirt, but then ruin the whole get-up with scuffed shoes. A pair of glassy, shined shoes will pull your whole appearance together.

So your task today is to shine your shoes. Get out every pair of dress shoes that you own and get them all into ship shape condition. You never know when you’re going to need to don a pair, and the last thing you want to do is be ready to run at the door to an important meeting and realize that your shoes are in no condition to meet the public. Having a closet full of shined shoes ensures that you are ready for any occasion, at the drop of a hat. Plus, shining your shoes is the kind of quiet, repetitive activity that will calm your mind and soothe your stress.

To get started on today’s task, check out our post on “How to Shine Your Shoes Like a Soldier.”

My dad taught me how to "spit shine" shoes (using water, and alcohol – not real saliva, my OCD would never allow for that!!!) when I was a little kid. He'd take one shoe, and I'd take the other, and he'd teach me step by step how to complete the process.

The only down side was that he'd been polishing shoes since he was a kid, as his dad had served in the military. I was like 8 years old, while he had 30 years experience over me. Often times, my share of the pair never turned out quite so shiny. Made all the more noticeable when said shoes were worn in alignment. Ugh...

So, today I will shine my own shoes all by myself. And hopefully walk into my future with evenly shined shoes.

AOM: 30 Days... Core Vidal

I mean, Core Values... Yes, synching (or is that sinking) to the last post, I want to focus on being a better person. And since my new favorite website (The Art of Manliness) has a specified program to be a better man, hells bells, I'm all in...

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/31/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-1-define-your-core-values/

Would you care to join me? If so, here's an excerpt from the first assignment in the series:

When I look at photos of men from my grandfather’s and even my dad’s generation, I can see a sense of purpose in the eyes of those men. Yet when I look at men today, I often don’t sense that kind of steely focus. Instead, I see dudes who are just sort of drifting along whichever way life pulls them.

I’ve heard a lot of men my age complain of a sense of shiftless. They don’t have the drive, purpose, and ambition that our forbearers had, and they feel adrift...

The Importance of Clearly Defining Your Core Values

Defining our values gives us purpose. When you don’t know or you haven’t clearly defined your values, you end up drifting along in life. Instead of basing your decisions on an internal compass, you make choices based on circumstances and social pressures. You end up trying to fulfill other people’s expectations instead of your own. And before you know it, life has passed you by and you haven’t even started to live. Trying to be someone else and living without core values is down right exhausting and leaves you feeling empty and shiftless. Conversely, living a life in line with your core values brings purpose, direction, happiness, and wholeness...

How to Discover Your Values

Your task for Day 1 of our 30 Days to a Better Man Project is to discover, clearly define, and write down your core values. Before we begin, let’s be clear that we’re not trying to define goals here. Goals are specific actions, like “becoming financially independent by age 30″ or “asking my girlfriend to marry me this June.” What we are looking for are values: the ideas that you esteem to be of great worth and that give structure to your life...

Okay, here's my stab at it:

1. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT: To always strive for self-improvement. To intentionally seek out experiences, relationships, moments of reflection, arenas of critique, all leading me to take active steps to constantly better myself. (I don't need this stinking "30 Days" crap! jk~)

2. STABILITY: Living in a way that promotes more balance and stability in my life, in all facets. (Emotional stability, overall health and wellness, financial stability, career-wise, more balance between work and play, more faith and patience when it comes to love, romance, my general development, etc.) (((this sounds a bit more goal oriented. damn it!)))

3. CONNECTIONS: Create a legacy of compassion while connecting to humanity – do my utmost to understand individuals at the most basic levels, and try to forge connections amongst various people to help us not feel so alone and alienated in this often overwhelming existence. (To work in fields that have a positive impact on the world, make me feel inspired and fulfilled, while helping others in some way.)

4. PARTNERSHIP: To prepare myself in every way imaginable to be a good, stable, healthy, mindful, loving, funny, intuitive partner. To be patient and compassionate, first and foremost, and to be open to love, and all that it can teach me in every incarnation. To find someone who shares my deeply rooted belief in negotiation and allegiance – someone who is a team player, willing to invest in and with me.

5. INTEGRITY: To live in a way that helps me find my voice – my place in the world, what makes me unique, my perspective different from others' – and to muster the energy to offer it up to humanity. To share my voice in the most humble, yet courageous and open way, and to live with candor and integrity to create real change in the world, from my modest corner...

Does that count? Man, I'm tuckered out... What did YOU say????

The Art of Manliness

While surfing the interweb the other day, I stumbled upon my new favorite website. It's called The Art of Manliness, and... it's amazing. It has all of these interesting angles, and compelling missives. PLUS, is it chock full of vintage illustrations and old timey photographs of men sporting handlebar moustaches – so you know they had me at "hello."

http://artofmanliness.com/

One of the things that I appreciate most about this project is that it covers all the bases, from inspiring historic manly figures, the best buddy films of all times, to skin care, and instructive 'how to's' for becoming a better man.

It's this last one that I want to highlight, and feature in my own ventures. There is a guide on this website called "30 Days to a Better Man," that seems pretty intriguing. This series gives the readers (and prospective participants) a structured format to explore daily, and even a forum to share their collective experiences with other participants. Interesting stuff.

Here is the link to "30 Days..." Check it out if you have some time.

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/31/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-1-define-your-core-values/


I'm not so sure I'm that good at being manly, but I am sure that I wanna be better... At just about anything. So I'll give this a shot.

NEXT POST: "30 DAYS TO A BETTER MAN – CORE VALUES" and we're up.