Free Will

In my last post, I spoke about Hawksley Workman's quote that "Love is a decision." That statement really resonated with me, and I have been trying to uncover just why that is. I don't think I explored the concept enough in the previous submission, but have certainly been mulling it over offline.

While looking for images to complement "decisions," I ran across an article about precognitive activity in the frontal lobes of the brain, suggesting that much of decision making actually happens *before* we can actively think about it. The findings point to neurological transmissions in the front portions of the brain that cue actions and reactions, but these occur before the cognitive centers of the brain can step in to debate the most effective courses to take. This suggests that as much as we'd like to believe we are fully cognisant of every option presented before us, and thusly choose the wisest of the possibilities, perhaps the vast amount decision making happens before our thoughts can even jump in the game. (To read the article, click on the title of this post, and it will link you back to the study results.)

This is interesting for dopes like me who stutter emotionally on a subject for too long, paralyzed by doubts and fears that I may make the wrong choice. It correlates to Freud's notion that we unconsciously seek out carbon copies of our parental figures when we try to find romantic partners. Not that this study is confined to love, or decisions of the heart. But, in short, that there are more dimensions at work than simply thinking that a prospective suitor is 'pretty' or 'sweet.'

What I wanted to say was that I agree with Canadian songwriter Workman's thesis that "love is a decision." I believe he meant that too often we assume that love is an uncontrollable sensation, much like hunger or an itch, that seems to have its own volition, appearing out of nowhere, and instigating urges and delights within us. Similar to specific culinary cravings, that mostly seem to emerge unconsciously, many people would probably contend that love manifests in the same way. We don't know why we crave homemade mac & cheese, or mashed potatoes on cold winter nights, in the same fashion, we can't explain our penchant for bad boys who are a little too sassy for our liking.

But, to stick with the love = food metaphor, there are plenty of cravings we can acknowledge, identify, but those of which we do not need to actually satiate. Case in point: I have been craving ice cream as of late, lord knows why. As much as it seems to be an unconscious compulsion, I do not have to submit to those vacuous sugary yearnings. Unfortunately, many of us don't stop to question our cravings – romantically, dietarily, and so on... And when we just acquiesce to those pinings, we often find ourselves malnourished in some fashion. Either our literal or figurative hearts taking the toll of our indulgent appetites.

Workman was trying to say that when we simply chase one craving to the next, we find ourselves feeling empty and starved for true intimacy and closeness. And much like those sugar highs, or carb binges, we crash, and feel all the worse for our pandering. He (and I) believe(s) that love is more than just a fickle desire, fleeting as it ebbs and flows. Instead, he (and I) hope(s) that it would be a longitudinal commitment to reinvesting in the organic wholeness of the connection shared between two emerging souls. We'd probably even go so far to proclaim that those kinds of intensive, emotional ventures have much higher payoffs than the base level, carnal spinnings that come and go on a whim.

This singer/songwriter was waxing poetic about the fact that love is not just lust, or attraction – things we *feel,* and not *think.* Love (by his implied definition) should be a balance between the mindful choices we make to immerse ourselves within each others' lives, and the 'mind-less' gravitational pull we share with another from that place of seduction. (We can only seduce that which is out of reach. Once it comes within reach, does the seduction end???) That is where the acts of committing and investing in the continuity of love have the most resounding affects.

I agree that love is a decision, or at least it can (dare I say "should") be. It's a decision that I made – to love one person despite the ups and downs, the kicks in head, and the resistance. I decided to love a person that ultimately was going to teach me more about myself, and the function and revelations of love. Yet now, I am feeling stuck between the two poles of having *decided* to invest myself in the long haul, versus the reality that I need to 'undecide' that very choice. So, I am left understanding this scientific study of the underlying, unconscious roots to our cravings and related decisions, but then wrestling with the highly cognitive, and dominant belief that we can employ free will, and side step the less desirable options for ourselves.

Free will suggests that it is a voluntary decision, not determined by the physical or the divine. So, if my initial attraction to subject "A" was involuntary (unconscious), but my pursuit of her was voluntary (conscious), yet my involuntary reactions and old self defense mechanisms may have kicked in when I got scared (unconscious) – possibly contributing to the termination of the relationship, and now I feel 'stuck' still loving her (unconscious), but unsure of why I can't just talk myself out of it (consciously) – what does that make love??? Clearly it makes me a buffoon, still scrambling to understand, rather than just letting go... Sigh~

If free will exists, then why can I not free myself?

~ unFreed Will