The other day I had a quick flash of a memory of driving through my small Vermont college town, and noticing how many homes seemed to be surrounded by all of this debris. Old broken down cars, over-sized kids' toys no longer in daily circulation, things that looked like they were meant to be thrown away, but somehow escaped mid route to the garbage can. It really struck me, as I wondered what these littered items represented psychologically, and how this trash was really another man's treasure.
I became fixated on this idea of organizing the clutter in our lives, and trying to understand the deeper meanings of what we keep around us. I don't see it directly related to class, as I have known many millionaires that are horribly disorganized, yet they have the resources to hire people to help tidy up. Some of those 'staffers' have been house keepers, personal assistants, organizing specialists, and the like. But the predisposition to 'monkey up' our lives with junk can be present in any of us.
This idea probably came back to me now, as I have been trying to simplify my life considerably. I had a Latin teacher in high school that used to say: "What you own owns you." And I get it now, what he meant. Now that I am older, I am finding myself more and more responsible for every element of my life. If something breaks, I need to find a way to get it resolved. I can't wait for someone else to jump in, or dust under the rug like a guilt-ridden child.
I didn't realize that I have applied this to dating as well. Like that scene from Somekind of Wonderful where Amanda Jones tells Keith's character: "I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons then alone for the right." He says: "I'd rather be right."
It's not that I have to be right, but I'd rather not have 'stuff' just for the sake of having stuff. Relationships included.
I want to be more intentional, to consciously seek out what might be a good fit for me. As my dear old friend from high school and I have been talking about "finding our people." Sure, I have been going on some fun dates with gorgeous, hilarious folks, but I kept asking myself if my trans status was going to be a big hurdle for them. I didn't know how to ask without putting us all on the spot.
Part of me thinks that my feeling unsure if it would be an issue was perhaps my answer. With other people I dated in the past, they let me know that they were all in, or areas that they still struggled with for their futures. Even though my trans existence might complicate things a bit, there were folks who were so psyched to be with me that we were able to surmount those immediate challenges. And I guess that is what I am hoping to find now. Not someone who will 'excuse' or overlook the fact that I am trans, but rather someone who will really understand the way it informs my life, and how it helped me become the person that I am now.
I'm hoping that's not too much to ask... (Secretly wishing it was 1987, and I could walk out to find Watts on my front step waiting for me, as she looks good wearing my future. Sigh~ )
I became fixated on this idea of organizing the clutter in our lives, and trying to understand the deeper meanings of what we keep around us. I don't see it directly related to class, as I have known many millionaires that are horribly disorganized, yet they have the resources to hire people to help tidy up. Some of those 'staffers' have been house keepers, personal assistants, organizing specialists, and the like. But the predisposition to 'monkey up' our lives with junk can be present in any of us.
This idea probably came back to me now, as I have been trying to simplify my life considerably. I had a Latin teacher in high school that used to say: "What you own owns you." And I get it now, what he meant. Now that I am older, I am finding myself more and more responsible for every element of my life. If something breaks, I need to find a way to get it resolved. I can't wait for someone else to jump in, or dust under the rug like a guilt-ridden child.
I didn't realize that I have applied this to dating as well. Like that scene from Somekind of Wonderful where Amanda Jones tells Keith's character: "I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons then alone for the right." He says: "I'd rather be right."
It's not that I have to be right, but I'd rather not have 'stuff' just for the sake of having stuff. Relationships included.
I want to be more intentional, to consciously seek out what might be a good fit for me. As my dear old friend from high school and I have been talking about "finding our people." Sure, I have been going on some fun dates with gorgeous, hilarious folks, but I kept asking myself if my trans status was going to be a big hurdle for them. I didn't know how to ask without putting us all on the spot.
Part of me thinks that my feeling unsure if it would be an issue was perhaps my answer. With other people I dated in the past, they let me know that they were all in, or areas that they still struggled with for their futures. Even though my trans existence might complicate things a bit, there were folks who were so psyched to be with me that we were able to surmount those immediate challenges. And I guess that is what I am hoping to find now. Not someone who will 'excuse' or overlook the fact that I am trans, but rather someone who will really understand the way it informs my life, and how it helped me become the person that I am now.
I'm hoping that's not too much to ask... (Secretly wishing it was 1987, and I could walk out to find Watts on my front step waiting for me, as she looks good wearing my future. Sigh~ )
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