Homer

Well, I made it back to my hometown today, even in record time. I left at 6:30am and arrived at 12:30pm, so not bad considering... So far, everything has been going well. My bro and sis-in-law arrived a few nights ago, and seemed to have put a good spin on the holidays. Everyone appears to be in a good mood, which is rare. My dad is almost giddy. I don't know what changed, but hell, I'll take it!

I'm ticking this out from my iPhone in my now dark childhood bedroom, hoping you can forgive me for the ill formatting for one night. I'll add an image after the festivities tomorrow with our extended family.

I guess I just wanted to check in... It's like you are my parole officer, and I fear you'll get suspicious with too much radio silence. All is going okay, well except that two of the presents I had shipped to my folks' house have not arrived yet. Oh well... It will be fine.

It was nice-we had dinner at the dining room table, and I had everyone cracking up over my stories of bulldagger clients telling me that their dogs needed a positive male role model, or how one of my gay male clients always creepily hits on me when I run into him. It was nice to be able to joke about my transition and have it be funny. My family is really goofy, so if we can't laugh at something (or someone) it feels painfully awkward. I don't mind being the butt of my own jokes-it's kind of my forte, so it worked well to bring us closer together by laughing (at me).

Part of it is tough, though, as I used to see old friends while I was back. Many of our parents have moved away, so no one seems to be around this year. And I don't think I'll get to spend much time in NYC to catch up with folks on my way back

I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic and missing people. Not in a bad way, but in a way that is sweet to know who means the most to me.

The missing may subside, but for now, I honor it as the guest list of this heart of mine. It may be getting old, battered and bruised, but I'll still listen to whatever it's trying to tell me.

Someone once told me that she didn't think she could be with me because missing me wasn't difficult. She wanted someone for whom she could not live without. I think I know what she meant. Sure, I can live without her, but damn I still miss that fiery gal. And the missing her, times like now, feels difficult.

But this time, like all times, shall pass.

For now-I'll savor the sensation of missing while it lasts... And so it goes.

G'night.