Psych

I'm trying to psych myself up for some requisite holiday shopping. So far, it has lost its zeal. It's like 20º out, and I'm staving off a cold that one of my clients shared with me. Many thanks for their generosity this holiday season!

My family does this convoluted "Secret Santa" gift exchange thing, where instead of buying for every member of our extended family, we only buy gifts for the one name we drew out of a hat. Theoretically it seems simple enough, but we draw names for the next Christmas 15 seconds after we open this year's presents – but it's all supposed to be a secret, so we have to remember who we have for 364 more days. There are back up sealed envelopes to mail out if we forget who we have, and so on... And "wish lists" sent out to the entire family days before Christmas, so we can scramble to the nearest stores, or to our laptops in hopes of finding whatever traces might be left of their desired new goods. What a way to celebrate, instantly making us all frustrated and annoyed that my brother's suggestion to streamline Xmas gift giving, now has been commandeered and made all the more complicated!

I remember when Christmas used to be about my father and I decorating the tree, while my mother was on a marathon baking binge, and the entire house filled with the scent of six different kinds of cookies, apple pie, and cinnamon and sugar twists made for the extra pie crust dough. These days, it's more about trying to cross reference my brother and sister-in-law's travel schedule with my cousin and her husband, so we can zero in on a few days we may all be in the same place at the same time. Then worrying about finding coverage for work for the days I'm away, getting reservations for my crazy pit bull at his kennel, hoping a friend can feed my cat while I'm traveling, and the like.

I don't mean to sound like a Scrooge, but I miss the days when holidays were about the excitement of Christmas morning, wondering each wrapped goodie concealed under its veil of cartoon snowmen paper. It used to be infused with such hope and glee, as we couldn't wait to see what new favorite toy or necessity would be revealed to us.

As some of you might know, I *really* like giving gifts. I love trying to deduce what quiet inner yearnings that person may hold close to their chest, as if I had some secret decoder ring looking into their soul. I love giving gifts just because... But over-commercialized holidays that make us feel obligated to just get *stuff* makes me feel anxious and empty. Anxious because I am doing my damnedest to purge all of the extras that I don't really need anymore. Selling some of mid my century furniture, donating clothes that could be more useful to other people. I even had a tag sale to rid my home of house wares that were more of a hassle than they are worth. My boss has a rule that for everything one thing he buys himself, he needs to get rid of one item. Suddenly, I understand how those self-imposed rules come to pass.

Right now, feeling uninspired and no closer to the perfect gift ideas for my loved ones, I am resisting braving the cold to be just another consumer. Blech. (Plus, I'm distracted with Golden Girls being on. It's the episode about a local politician allegedly having an affair with Blanche while his wife's away. He turns out to have a secret punchline– that he used to be Anna Maria Bonnaduce, until his 'operation' in 1968, when *she* became a *he* – Gil Kessler. How's that for a bang?!? You gotta love this stuff! ~ I jokingly wanted to change my name to "Gil Kessler" as a nod to the girls, but I luckily came to my senses! I don't think I look like a "Gil.")

Anyway, back to the grind. Anyone wanna come with me for this shopping extravaganza? Safety in numbers?