Halloweener

I'm not a huge fan of Halloween – have I mentioned this before? I was always the kid that was too afraid of committing to a costume idea, fearful that I'd later find out it was passe, or just plain lame. It was too much pressure, and I was never the 'cool kid.' I was friends with the cool kids, and I just didn't want to do anything that would call too much attention to myself. I never wanted to be a 'try hard.'

But as a kid, my mother was fanatical about these kinds of holidays. She is both insanely creative AND an elementary school teacher, so it was like she was genetically engineered for these types of festivities. My mom would start planning our costumes months in advance, and often hand crafted our entire ensembles. (Like when I was a tiny kid, she made me a Smurf costume from scratch... But my all time favorite idea was when my brother was about 4 yrs old, my mom made him a Raggedy Andy costume, *and* a life sized, matching Raggedy Ann doll that she then sewed onto the Andy costume sleeve. When they approached a house, they rang the doorbell, and my brother would raise that one arm out to the side, and it looked like he had his arm around the doll's shoulder. How crazy is that? Who thinks of this stuff??? She is amazing. Bummer that she had a shy, awkward kid like me to resist her incredible talents, like costuming.)

The photos above are my idea of a good costume... All but the upper right pics are of the alleged mo' male hustler character "Terry," from Reno 911. One of my favorite characters from all of hallowed television. Last year I spent far too long looking for ridonkulously small terry cloth shorts & tank set, but no dice. The sad part is, I actually kinda look like that guy. I was thinking of trying again for this year, but I just recently gained a few pounds that made me a little too self conscious for such a get up. Oh well...

So, if anyone asks why I'm not dressed up this year, I've decided to tell them I am – I am going as Chaz Bono, Cher's tranny son. That way, the few pounds I've gained actually add to my character study. I just need to throw on a some cargo shorts and an oversized paisley t-shirt, er sumpthin'. I think I am officially the laziest person ever.