Not to bastardize dumb sports psychology, but... I was talking to my dear friend from high school about our dating woes. She was feeling insecure about what it is that she has to offer anyone these days. Two guys were interested in her at the same time, which seemed like a great sign, but she still felt nervous.
I tried to give her some arm chair advice. In short, it was a take off of "be the ball" thesis from all of those bad football films I always avoided watching. I've never been much of a motivational speaker, as it's tough to trust someone who prefers to stay home on a Friday night to watch an old Paul Newman flick rather than brave the local dive bars for the latest influx of hotties. Nope, not my scene.
So, I tried to use what I know. Paul Newman... (If you don't already know this about me, I'm a bit fanatical about the guy. He's pretty damn dreamy. I mean, the sexiest mofo to walk the earth, a damn fine dramatic actor, an excellent race car drive -if I cared about sports-, and created one of most generous foundations that I can name off the top of my head. In a word: D r e a m y. . . )
When trying to relate to my friend, I thought about it for a second. I asked her what it is that made these two guys attractive to her. She listed off a few quick attributes, like one was confident, self assured, while the other was witty and used his masters degree from Harvard to work with inner city 'at risk' youth. I then asked her if there were people that were her role models, and to describe their characteristics. She went on... I tried to get her to see that even her role models were human, and that they had made choices to accentuate some of the better qualities within themselves, but I guaranteed that they still struggle like we all do. How many movie stars do we see fall from grace because of one scandal or another. Is it because of the pressure, of simply because they are human like us? I can't even begin to imagine the constant burden of being watched all the time, as I know living anonymously, as I do, can be tough enough...
I told her how much I stumble, and get swallowed up in my own self doubt and insecurities sometimes, and how I try to paddle out of it. Remembering the qualities of those I admire seems to help quell my impending fears. Knowing that Paul Newman was working in his family's sporting goods shop in Ohio when the acting bug bit him, and that he up and left everything to give it a go, reminds me that he wasn't always the persona we saw before us. He started from somewhere, and worked hard to create the life for which he'll be remembered. Knowing that he was married and had kids with his first wife when he met Joanne Woodward, (with whom he spent the rest of his life) was helpful to realize that we don't always have love figured out, even if we thought we did...
Even as much as he slowly garnered respect for the acting roles he chose and crafted impeccably, he still yearned for a richer life. He fell in love with car racing after a role in a film forced him to take driving lessons. In middle age, he founded 'The Hole in the Wall Gang' charity to help young kids with disabilities. Lacking a culinary background didn't impede on his success when he created the 'Newman's Own' organic line of food products, and then donated 100% of the proceeds to charity. These proceeds now total over $250 million since its inception.
And I think about my modest little life, and I think: "What the fuck do I have to worry about? This guy had like 18 irons in the fire, and excelled at all of them. I only have a couple, so I better do them damn well!"
I would love to embody his sense of self-deprecating wit, and infinite charisma. He oozes sexiness and sensuality with impetuous reactivity, balanced with mindful humanitarianism. Fighting the good fight, but fighting none the less. There was a cockiness that escaped self-inflation, as he really was all that. He knew he was a good looker, but he wanted to be a good actor, and therefore refined his craft, not his appearance.
When I think about who I am and who I'd like to be, I long to create a legacy like this man has left behind. I aspire to be the confident, self-assured, noble spokesman, consummate artist, and generous philanthropist like he was. Not that it was an act, but it was a character that he developed. There were choices he made to become that person, even in spite of wrenching personal challenges. To me, that is more admirable, than the person just 'born' into greatness.
It's good to remind myself that I, too, can develop those characteristic, and jokingly tell myself to just "Be the Paul..."
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