Wisdumb

I am hoping that wisdom is accumulative. (Is it? Anyone know?) I am hoping that I will make better romantic choices as I age and become more 'refined.' (Think I can pull that off?) I mean, I don't think I'm making worse choices, it's just that now being in my mid-thirties and starting all over again – it can feel a bit daunting at times.

In my last relationship, we both joked that we were 'raising the bar' for the other. That no matter what, even if it didn't work out between us, that everything to follow was going to be better than what we had before... And in many ways, it was true. It was tough because that woman encapsulated nearly everything that I wanted in a partner. I guess I forgot to add "wants to stay with me indefinitely" to the list. Whoopsie Daisy! Figures.

But I see that I hadn't really allowed myself to start from scratch in that relationship. We had formed that friendship before my transition, but it didn't 'blossom' into a romantic relationship until a few years after my transition. There was this inherent 'hold over' built into it – where I hadn't fully embraced the newer version of myself, and maybe stuck to my now expired self-image. Bully...

I have changed so much since that break up, really understanding who I am at this point in my life. Well, even as much as it is muddled, I think I've finally caught up to speed.

They say that adversity builds character – that wisdom is the product of problems and one's thoughtful resolutions. (Again, is that true? Anyone know fer sure?) And I see how my own trips down adversity lane have forged this newer, emerging resilience, and a sense of fortitude that hasn't been there before. I'm not one of those people who wants challenges so badly that I create them just cuz...

But I do believe that everything is an opportunity to learn, and grow and become the person we'd rather be. And the incredible part is that it's limitless. It's not like once we become that person we can just coast, and ride that plateau into the sunset. Well, at least in my mind, I am kind of excited about the prospect of evolution and ever-refining myself to really become someone worth knowing. Not that I'm not now, but I still struggle with the insecurities of being human, the more base emotions. I look forward to learning more about myself, and settling in a bit more, as I slowly approach the Middle Ages. Heh.

I guess we'll see what this wis-dumb thing is all about, huh?